August 5, 2008 (Tuesday)
The Lord’s Hand in my Life: Coming to understand how amazing Christ was for loving those who despitefully used and persecuted him…

Oh life was a joy today – not…We tried not responding to our two terrors, but it wasn’t without a lot of pain. Daniela was really good today (she’s usually only bad if Ana comes around), but Ana was her usual horrible self. Ana managed to stomp on my hand three times in a row, bite, kick, hit, grab, throw objects, and hit me with a foot long plastic rattle with beads in it as hard as she could in the middle of my back. I kept trying to tell myself I love her over and over again. She did stuff to Whitney S. as well…it was just a fun day. What was frustrating was that she’d do it every time the worker turned their back so they wouldn’t know…evil…After she didn’t get a reaction she would eventually stop, but then she’d come up with something else to try. Elyse came into the room for a while and the same thing happened to her – she was terrorized. For some reason I guess Ana has learned that we won’t beat the crap out of her so she thinks she can get away with it. She listens obediently to the workers… When Ana was nice today we gave her attention, but then the second she started with her bad behavior we ignored her. She hit some of the kids a couple of times and when she did that we would tell a worker, but they didn’t really do anything. She does her attacks constantly – yet there is no reason for them…Today made me appreciate how amazing Christ was for what he went through. He prayed for those who cruelly used and persecuted him…It’s hard, but I’m trying really hard to exemplify charity like Christ did…

Andrei was whiny again today. I’ve been praying that I would have an easy time leaving my kids – I think Heavenly Father is answering my prayers. My final week has been miserable to the point I don’t get upset when I think about leaving. Because of the two girls I have dreaded going to the orphanage… getting beat up isn’t fun…the only comforting feeling is that at least they are taking the majority of their aggression out on us and not our kids.

The moments I wasn’t terrorized – which were far and in between - I held me kids. I pushed Andrei in the swing for a while, and I held Irina outside on the ground. She loved it. Maria was in her bed most of the day. I guess she didn’t sleep well last night, and I’m not sure why…?

In the afternoon I went to the apartments. Everything was pretty regular. Costica was hilarious. He will imitate any face you make. We are so amused by just sitting there and making faces at him, and he loves it! We get a kick out of it. As for poor Mirel, he is always getting pushed around, and he never does anything to retaliate. I’ve decided that if you want to survive in an orphanage you have to fight back…no wonder most of the kids are so brutal…they don’t really have any other choice…

For the rest of the evening we ate dinner and went to the internet café to research our Europe trip. This is taking a lot of time. I just hope we can get everything planned out decently well. There are so many things to do in Paris…it’s crazy! I’m feeling a little stressed about our trip, but I’m sure it will end up being fun.