June 30, 2008 (Monday)
The Lord’s Hand in my Life: Finding someone I can relate to…

Oh how I missed my kids while I was on vacation! I was soooo excited to see them today…I walked into the orphanage and the first little kid I saw was my Andrei. He was riding on a little pony horse, and he didn’t hear me enter the room because he can’t hear. He was looking down so I stood there for a second until he saw me. When he saw me his eyes lit up and he started jumping up and down. Then he raised his arms to hold him, and I gave him a big hug and kiss. Once I put him down he quickly handed me the little string connected to his horse so I could pull him around the room. I missed his big brown eyes and his little smile so much. It kind of scared me how much I missed him. I was only gone for a week. In six weeks I’m leaving him forever. I don’t know how I’m going to handle leaving him. I don’t feel comfortable leaving him here…some of the workers are great, but some of them aren’t. It makes me want to cry when I think about it…I kept thinking about leaving him today, and once again I had to remind myself to live in the present. I was sitting there holding Andrei right now – I didn’t need to worry about what tomorrow would bring because that would just distract my full attention away from him. As I was in this state of contemplation, I decided that I want to get married to someone rich right when I get home just so I will have the money to immediately adopt Andrei. That is a completely unrealistic thought considering the fact A) I’m not dating anyone B) Most college students aren’t wealthy C) Andrei’s parents haven’t given up adoption rights and D) International adoption isn’t available in Romania…but the Lord can make miracles right? I will pray very hard that if it’s the Lord’s will it will happen.

Today I found out that Andrei is half gypsy and half Romanian. I wonder if that has anything to do with the way he is treated sometimes? Romanians treat gypsies very bad. Most of the workers seem less kind to him than the other kids. Maybe I’m just imagining it, but I don’t think so…

After I said hi to Andrei I went and said hi to all my other kids. There reaction wasn’t as extravagant as Andrei’s because most of them aren’t in a state to react much, but I like to think they were glad to see me. Constantine and Irina got huge smiles on their face when I started talking to them. Irina was in a really good mood – much more alert than normal, and boy did she giggle when I talked to her.

I had a neat and unusual experience happen to me today. I was sitting next to Constantine stroking his face and singing a song to him while we were waiting for them to bring his bottle so I could feed him. Then all of a sudden I thought about my Grandpa Rich that passed away two years ago. It was really random because I don’t think about him too often since he has been gone for so long. Then I had an image of him pass through my mind – he was dressed in all white and he was smiling at me. Then he said he was proud of me. That might sound strange, but for some reason it didn’t feel strange… I felt really calm and peaceful.

The saddest part of the day was when we discovered that it was Doamna Maria’s last day at the orphanage. She is the most amazing and kind worker the orphanage has ever seen. She has worked there for over 30 years, and she has a special touch with every child. To be honest I’m surprised the kids listen to her because she’s so nice, but they do. I need to learn her secret. Here is a story to illustrate Doamna Maria. Today I went to feed Valentina “my little vampire” and every time I stuck the spoon of food in her mouth she would bite down on the spoon and then blow her food everywhere – including on me. By the end of my attempt to feed her I had food sprayed all over the top and bottom of my scrubs. Valentina thought it was hilarious. The other workers did too…but that’s beside the point. After I told Doamna David that she wouldn’t eat she came over took the spoon and gently said to Valentina “gura mare” (referencing her to open her mouth wide). Instantly Valentina ate with no qualms…I was like “are you serious!” The workers just laughed and Whitney S. did too…the kids know I’m a push over. Dang.

Whitney S., Elisa and I decided we wanted to get something for Doamna Maria before she left – so they booked it to a store while I stayed with the kids. They bought her a pretty necklace. Apparently all the other workers were jealous, and they wanted to know why we didn’t buy them anything. Elisa was like “when you retire we can talk about it.”

Right when we were about to leave Andrei came walking in with two teddy bears and a snow globe. I made a mental picture of him at that moment. He looked so stinkin cute it was ridiculous. He kept dropping one of the items in his hand, then picking it up and then dropping another item with every step. I love that kid.

In between the orphanage and hospital we went grocery shopping and to the piata. I was so proud of myself because I bartered. I got them to give me some apples I bought for 6 lei instead of 6.5 lei. I was like “Why am I so excited that I got them to go down about 25 cents?!” Mary replied “because for once you are getting money from them!” I smiled and agreed.

Mindy was my partner at the hospital today. It was really nice to talk to her. I had been feeling a little sad that she and I haven’t gotten to know each other real well because she lives in the other apartment, but oh well. Her and I chatted about life at home while we walked in between hospital rooms. Apparently she has a best friend that is getting married soon and that is the story of my life this summer. It’s so nice when someone else can relate to what you’re going through. I’ve been a little stressed out because my best friend Kendall will be married when I get home, one of my other good friends Kristi will be getting married, my friend Bobbi is getting married a week before I get home, my friend Brandon got married a few days before I left to come to Romania, and my friend Sandra moved to California a few weeks ago. I consider every single one of those people among my best friends. I’m a little worried about being completely alone when I get home. I think I am extra sensitive about everything because also because all the girls are talking about boys from home. Whitney S. had a good talk with a boy she has been dating - then Kenz got a good email from her missionary…I think I’m just feeling alone right now, but I’ll be fine. I ended a realtionship right before I came which was my choice. I came to Romania to get away from all of that…I just have to remind myself that it’s what I wanted. It’s what is best. Once again I need to not worry and live in the present. When am I going to get that through my head?

Claudio was on the 7th floor today! Some of the girls said he had gone home, but he is still there. When I walked in and picked him up his stomach was normal size. When I left for our little vacation it was abnormally huge. Later I found out that Mindy had seen his stomach, and he had stitches on his stomach. He must have had surgery on it. I’m still so curious as to what was wrong with him…I’ll probably never know. He has the cutest little face. I just sat and played with him. Sadly I did notice little red dots all over his body. Claudio too has scabies. When will the madness end?! I was really glad too see him though and I could tell he was really happy to see me…he cried the second I started packing my stuff up. The kids are smart. They know that means we’re about to leave…and they are not happy when we do. I don’t blame them.

I got to see Marius for a few minutes today. I put a washable tattoo on his stomach. He loved it…that boy looks amazing every time I see him. That blessing the elders gave to him earlier is really coming true…

For Family Home Evening we played twister. That was interesting…everyone was cheating because they didn’t really understand the rules so I eventually fell down so the game wouldn’t last forever – do did MacKenzie.

Right after FHE we went to the internet café down the road so we could get some things done. I had soo much to do on there and a very limited amount of time, but I did update my blog a little bit and send off a couple of emails. I sent my Mom Bonnie an email. I felt bad because I feel like I have neglected telling her that I love her. I shouldn’t do that to people I care about. She is really an amazing lady. She is more patient than anyone I’ve ever met in my life, and she has a good heart. Those we love should know we love them, and we should tell them on a regular basis…Being in Romania I have realized I will NEVER make my kids second guess whether or not I love them. They will know that I love and adore them, and there will be no doubt in their mind about that.

As Mary, MacKenzie and I left the café Annie was out sitting on a bench waiting for us (she didn’t need to use the internet). As were were walking home we found out that some guy went up to Annie while she was drawing in her journal and he talked to her for about an hour. We were all teasing Annie…go Annie!

The rest of the evening I talked to my mom and aunt. I love hearing familiar voices! I love it! I love it! My mom told me the cutest thing – apparently she went to the church distribution center and bought all my little brothers and sisters CTR (Choose the Right) rings in Romanian. I was cracking up. That is so cute and so her…

P.S. Day #1 of eating healthy went well…the chocolate cravings haven’t hit quite yet…but I’m sure they will come with a vengeance.

P.S.S. BLOG CORRECTION: I just updated my blog and after reading it my mom was like “Whitney – my friends read your blog.” I was like “okay? Was there something inappropriate in it?” Apparently I didn’t phrase one of my stories correctly…so here it is…

On Day 3 of Vacation it said: “At one point while they were performing he looked up and stared at this group chatting in the back of the room with complete hatred in his eyes and was like ‘why don’t you shut the f*** up.’ Let’s just say it was an awkward moment for everyone.”

I wasn’t being crude (I needed to clarify)– that’s actually what the performer said to the audience…my mom thought I was just saying his look said that particular phrase – oh no he clearly said it to the audience. I was like “mom I can’t believe you thought I’d say something like that!” Oh the little misunderstandings.

My blog will now read: “At one point while they were performing he looked up and stared at this group chatting in the back of the room with complete hatred in his eyes and vocally stated to the audience ‘why don’t you shut the f*** up.’ Let’s just say it was an awkward moment for everyone.”

Sorry for any misunderstandings…I have to write all my journal entries fast….